A letter to God

No I am NOT a drug addict,i can only not breathe without drugs.

I am even not nocturnal,but i cant sleep at nights. 

I am not a musician,though without it,i mightnot survive

I want to cry to make all universes cry,but i cant shed a single tear.

I want to know about worlds of worlds and their children,here i know nothing about myself.

I want to die daily while living but getting killed each day.

Trying to create connections in each and everything, my body is losing its coordination

In a desire to create impacts,i am totally ignorant of all effects.
Why?

single answer

tartaric acid,vishal sikka's 4.8 starrer blog,his designed design thinking training workshops, largest budh monolithic statue in Afghanistan, numerology,connection of numbers to alphabets and their combined effects on us,creation of chandrashekhar's limit consequently leading to black holes,neutrons,my association with different people in the world and further their association to all kind of stuff available and my all time favourite connection of spirituality with science are keeping me up this dark, stormy,rainy night. I dont know why am  i seeking single answer for all the singular questions that i have, a single connection to everything churning around in my mind.i am looking for a single answer to all infinite questions in my mind.i can no longer breathe properly.all this maundering has shut down my brain and i am roaming on streets to seek a sigh of relief, to get some sleep. I have no idea whether i shall ever succeed to get my answer,but hope is a bitch.in a hope, i end.